I used to attend many appointments when I was struggling with a severe illness in my 20’s. Honestly, it became my lifeline, where I strangely felt the most seen and heard talking about all the terrible things I was experiencing. Even though I did not want this disease plaguing my body (let alone spend most of my week going to various appointments) I found myself unconsciously finding my identity in it. Looking back on those years now, I see that as unhealthy. I could not distinguish between who I was and what I was experiencing. I thought I was going to these appointments to become well yet in my soul (mind, will and emotions) I was allowing it to become my very being. Which sure did not bode well when I started to get better! Who was I without the ‘sickness’ title?

This was a similar progression when I was a carer for a loved one. When they became less dependent on me, I was completely lost in who I was. I felt so unfulfilled as I devoted a huge chunk of my life to caring for them.

Appointments aren’t bad in and of themselves! I wouldn’t be alive without them. Their purpose is not to become you but to aide you. Put them in the right place.

I highly recommended the book (animated story) The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy.